What Are Your True Motives?

Looks like I failed again on updating my blog regularly. :(

During these past few months... I have grown so much closer to God than I did in the past few years.  During the past few months, I talk to God each day and throughout the day.  Recently, I have been able to feel God's presence during most of my waking hours. :)

During the past few months, I have been praying for others as well.  I used to be selfish when I prayed because I only prayed for my family.  I didn't understand the power of prayers and I didn't know that praying for others would mean so much to them.... now I do.

As I was growing up, I used to care too much about what people think of me.  I wanted to feel accepted.  I wanted people to like me.  I wanted people to think that I'm good.  I had too much pride.  I guess all this reflects my insecurities about myself.  I wanted to please people... now all that doesn't matter anymore.  I only want to please God.  It doesn't matter anymore what people thinks about me.

Nehemiah was called by God to rebuild the walls of Jerusalem.  After his mission was accomplished, he became governor.  He didn't care for those gifts and food that people wanted to give him.  He didn't take money or anything from the people... because the work he did was for God and he didn't want to take advantage of people's offerings like what the past governors did.  All those material things were not important to him.

The book of Nehemiah made me rethink about my true motives and made me realize that material things are not important.

Last time, I used to hope that I would get gifts for my birthdays, anniversaries, and etc.  Now, all that doesn't matter anymore.  Even though I would say that it wasn't important or not necessary... in my heart, I would hope to get something.  Saying that you don't want something but hoping in your heart for something is putting on a show... what you say is meaningless.  What's important is what is really in your heart... and your actions are able to reflect that.  I used to compare what gifts I got from my parents to the gifts that my siblings got... now all that doesn't matter anymore.

After I gave birth to my two daughters, I used to hope that relatives and friends would come visit me.  Now, all that doesn't matter anymore.  As long as my family is with me... because they are the most important people to me.

How big is the gap between who you really are and who people think you really are?

Was That God In My Dream?

I had a dream about God(?) several months back...

It's been awhile so let me try to recall my dream.  During the past week before the dream, I wasn't thinking about God or anything about religion.

I dreamt about this old man with long gray hair and a long beard. He asked me whether I am ready.

I didn't answer... I was in deep thought. I was holding on to a book... not sure what book it was... maybe the Bible?

He walked away from me and was about to exit a door... and then I told him to wait and said, "YES, I am ready."

We hugged... and then all of a sudden I felt so relieved and was so happy... and tearing up at the same time. It was happy tears..... and then we flew up into the skies and we were bouncing all over the clouds.

I saw a bright light... it got very bright in an instant and then I just woke up with tears running down my face.

I was still very excited and was asking myself whether that was God or not?

A few days later, I told my sister about the dream and she started tearing up because she had recently prayed with one of her friends for God to show himself to me and again with another friend on Wednesday night that week during her group prayer session. She was shocked and amazed at what happened. She was very happy for my experience and jealous at the same time because she wants to see God also. She said not many people has this opportunity.

Am I that lucky? ;p